Current state of affairs

In this world where we force the next living thing into a corner,
To go about their life as if there were no space
And then when the tables turn,
We turn on our own race!

Husband, wife and daughter,
Find not in their heart the love,
To break bread and drink water,
To love and be loved.

Every tiny space, thing and thought
Somehow we must OWN
Our companion for life somehow
Has no space in our own home.

Ask the one who has naught,
What they'd give to share some time
With a husband, friend or daughter
With any soul or passerby.

It is funny how we collect
People for our pleasure
A moment more than what's fore rationed
Is somehow a crime to share.

Time is spent on life's bling
And then easily on to the next big thing
I'm surprised we say the virus spreads like wildfire
When we're the ones that have brought upon us a state this Dire!

Her

She was five years old, when her mother first asked her to venture out on the crowded streets of Mumbai alone. Joyful but cautious, she navigated the narrow by-lanes, being careful not to step in dung. She’d been previously burned by this mistake. As she approached her favorite candy shop she slowed her pace down. Consumed by the monumental decision of what she wanted. After all she was only allowed a single piece of candy. Even at a tender age of 5 she didn’t let gluttony get the better of her. Discipline. For she knew a slight misstep and months of building trust be ruined. She had bigger dreams than fruit filled centered sugary treats.

30 minutes later she returned with a lollipop and 8 rupees in exact change. Her mother beaming with pride said she could have another hour this evening with her dolls. She went on triumphantly to her play pen. Barbie and Ken were waiting there as usual. 

She’s twenty five today and works relentlessly to prove her mettle. Her boss, oblivious to her efforts, walks by her desk, dumping another set of files to be reviewed. Frustrated, she glances at them knowing very well it’s another late night at the office. Her cellphone starts to buzz: “Ma calling”. The flashing screen beckoning her to answer. She does. A worried voice on the other side asks “Would you be home for dinner at least?” A smile breaks the once tensed face and she then says “I’m trying my best”. “Well that’s what counts” – is the response. Later that night she tries to sneakily enter, like when she was 15, to a table set up with dinner and a note that said –

And here’s something sweet for trying your best – Love, Ma. And there lay this lollipop with a strawberry filled center.

Me

I smile cause I finally feel

I smile cause from head to heel

I revive from within

Thoughts, expressions and sins

 

What’s wrong and what is right?

Who knows why we fight

For principles and morals

To get unworthy laurels

 

Today you think you’re one up

You hold the moral ground

Tomorrow just like that

You’re the bloke that everyone pounds

 

Someone torn between

Two sides of themselves

Two thoughts, two faces

Be it the habit or laces

 

I realize now

It’s not a choice

I’m witty, naughty

And everything nice

 

I need not fret

For what is outward let

The one who sees

 Will in all hues let me be!!!

Breaking Through

Darkness looms over my shadow

Just at the break of dawn
A flutter of wings in the distance
And then the moment’s gone.

I wonder do I need to or
Maybe it’s good as it is
But something inside me tells me
Is this all that there is

To life, love and it all
To great, big and small
To the one’s that bring it
And to the one’s that take it all

My mind rambles as
The chains and shackles rattle
A glimpse of what was once wanted
And maybe then a victorious battle

Who knew the strife was within
Calm and clear my words never wrong
Who knew the demons I have
Were heroes with their unsung song

Should I let them out now
Oh, do I have the strength I mope
To let them out in all their glory
To give them the wings of hope.

Dreams Come True

You struggle and strive
You make waves then dive
Patience you have the most
Your dream of now you boast

What will be depends on you
Colors of life in their deepest hue
Each day a new adventure brings
A new song of fire and ice you sing

Come now be happy my friend
It's time for all their wishes to send
Luck and love to you I wish
Arguing with you though I'd sorely miss

The new land, new people with arms open they stand
Friends and family will give you that helping hand
But you and only you can soar high
Dreams come true and it's now your time to fly!!

Nothing is ever enough…

I always knew these cliches that spoke about expectation being the root cause of misery and others to the effect of that, but today I seriously sat down to think about it. There is at least a single or couple of people in your life that you have some sort of expectation from – and these according to you will not be something that drastic but some sort of basic understanding. I’m not god or even close to attaining any sort of saintly status, so I guess disappointment is part of life.

I’d promised never to write when in a bad mood or emotionally drained state but I am.

I am sick and tired of being the “understanding” one. The person who holds back emotions and feelings to keep everyone else in an emotionally balanced state.

Something’s gotta give!!!

How come the very people who claim to be closest to you fail to understand basic needs that you have? How come they are so consumed by taking all the time that they forget that time and again our expectation would be a listening ear or just a simple line of encouragement? Why is it that everytime I need someone strong to lean on for a bit – the only person I can count on is me?

Where the fuck is my solace? Where the hell is my break? Where in god’s name is my silver lining?

It’s bloody totally unfair! I may not make sense to most who read this but to the few who do get it – I know why you get it!

This feeling of “Nothing is ever enough”. It’s the maddening silence of unanswered calls that over the years have now become some sort of habit. The feeling that makes you numb inside to a point that even the smallest sign of happiness sometimes is thought of as a mistake in the plan set from above.

There are times you just feel like standing up and leaving. Leaving everything and everyone. Leaving all the expectations you so effortlessly fulfil. Leaving it all! The only problem is – we’re eternal optimists having a bad day!

And hence we go back to the same shit day after day with hope that someday something might just change! Only time will tell… 

Love is...

Strong as you are

Weak at the knees

Tormenting inside

Set ablaze

Whispers of doubt

Strength at heart

Words fail to come

In moments apart

Sudden gush of blood

Dizziness in the head

Pale limbs lie

Staring over the bed

You wish to say it now

Not a moment too soon

Say it all and be done with it

Over the one you moon

It doesn't matter how long

Or short a line it is

Words set you free

And now the burden is His

I give you my word

My soul is already yours

Doesn't matter how long

Or how far the journey goes

Time you say is precious

And that I've received with love

Now all that is to be seen

Is the verdict from HIM above!

Love is Now

And forever will it be

A feeling that lasts a lifetime

From now till Eternity!

You

She tells me that I need to find

Someone who is smart and kind

A man to understand my woes

To feel my joy and see me soar

A man to be so gentle yet strong

Protect his girl yet do no wrong

He who can just live his life

And yet be mine and I his wife

What would I give for that to be true

A man to see me in all my hues

Why does it have to be right now?

Love, I never thought was time bound

Maybe I’m not as lucky as some

Maybe the some that I've met are so numb

No money or business deal will I entertain

A man is not a commodity to be gained

Arrangement and setups if not by chance

A meet cute or a dainty dance

He will find me and so would I, him

People around me find the chances so grim

Hope, is all I have for now

I won’t give up and take a bow

Waiting is all I have to do

Who would I do it for…if not for you!

The Road

The road ahead is long and true

It answers to no one but you

On this road you must follow on

Fight your fears and sing your song

Ever and again a turn it brings

Into a garden with flowers of spring

The smell and beauty your eyes behold

Longing to touch, caressing your soul

The road again beckons you on

It asks you to move ahead and carry on

It says, “ My dear, this isn't for you,

Your journeys not done, your life is not through”

You manage to tear away from the lair

Your heart’s a bit weary, your eyes downward stare

The memories you keep locked away in your soul

Happy thoughts you’ll need on days that are cold.

Alone you walk on with no care in this world

You know not where you’re going as the journey unfurls

Butterflies and bees accompanying you along

One day with you, the next day gone

Don't fret my love, she whispers to you

I’m still here to bring you on to

Worlds undiscovered and treasures  galore

Enriching your heart if only you bare your soul

Give yourself time and you’ll see my girl

I’ll be your friend and i’ll show you the world

Trust no one else for temporary will they stay

One day with you and soon they’ll be on their way

They too have dreams and destinies to fulfill

I’m yours now and forever i will

Take you along to a world full of amaze

Setting your trails on fire ablaze

I cannot promise companionship in a worldly way

I cannot promise love the kind you understand today

The promise I make is beyond words and time

I’ll be with you even when not a friend you can find

With this I leave you to choose here

Onward you go or just step away dear

No matter what today you decide

You’ll be back someday to complete the ride!

Words

At birth the sounds that struck the air

They made no sense but to the ones who cared

It got clearer and distinct as life moved on

Harder and fiercer the sentences they formed.

Passion and love flow through them for sure

Defiance and disagreement their absence ensures

One punctuation here or there now

Changing the meaning and making them growl

Laughter and sadness oh how easy they come

When they flow in sync, rhyme or come undone

The words are long and oh so strong

Idyllically formed to make poem to song

At times they come without a thought to spare

At times thoughts barely even get them there

Whatever derives or generates them now

Thankful they are for every consonant and vowel

The birth or death you will decide

In love or hate when you recite

They come easy to all who know the rules

They keep them up all night the fools

Finally when they leave the lips that utter them

Or when they are put to pen

Not a soul can take or change the feel

Those wound only time can heal

Let them come fast and without a thought to spare

Let them come slow and gently with care

Love them and lead them to their only grave

Words are powerful and meant only for the brave!

Beauty!

Nothing has changed from within
It's just as it used to be
A new dress to fancy your whims
Is now what you can see

The person inside - a happy soul
Now may bear a frown
For all the times with burden she bore
Waited for the genuine crown

She hoped and prayed for a watchful eye
For someone who could see beyond
All the skin and layers she wore
And gently would he respond

To every word and move she made
To see the woman inside
No fancy clothes or blush to show
What he needs now in his own bride

Now she is all plush and pruned
Lady in all terms vain
Her soul though remains un-turned
Burned with all the pain

Did she find a worthy friend
Or a foe so charmed by her
All the grace and courtesy games
Now undone as it were

A smile she wants to wear again
It seems to evade her face
Questions burning inside her head
Wondering how to erase

She knows she hasn't changed within
She knows its all the same
The eyes that dawn upon her skin
Somehow seem more than vain

She was there as time before
With all beauty to bare
The windows then for her soul
Seemed a little less to stare

They looked and saw and did not respond
For how could they convince their hearts
Beauty to them isn't whats in
But more of what helps the eyelids part!

In Wonder...

Day to day and year after year

On and on you tread without fear

Rest is but a distant dream

On and on churning milk to cream

Once in a while you stop and stare

Time and again hoping a soul would care

Wishful thinking is all you've got

Reality then hits you in that painful spot

A day will come or so you think

When life’s troubles would suddenly shrink

You’ll toil and toil for that fateful day

Keeping your wishes and desires at bay

On that day you’ll live for yourself

Eat, drink, love and indulge in self

Not that anyone’s tied your hands per se

High standards you set from day to day

Now you ask what’s this all about

Independent your soul screams out and shouts

Duty you fulfill no questions asked

Why be bothered about the past

Rewarded you’ll be for conquered dreams

Does it matter now or oddly seem,

Were they yours or ever will be?

Fulfilled duties or wishes set free

It doesn't matter now for you've gone too far

Moving on and forever raising the bar

A day will come surpassed the goals you’ll be

Wondering what day you lived for thee!

Unspoken...

I know you for only but a handful of days
It seems like long but that's how Habituation works its ways!
Its not like you're perfect ... Oh so better this way
Each glitch , each flaw...the more human u stay!

Don't want to flatter you...cant help myself though
My muse today you'll be as fonder I'll grow
A piece of work you are... in the good and bad too!
Must be hell for anyone to ever let go of you!

Stop smiling now... I know you are
Don't deny the happiness you now feel inside
Yes , yes you're wondering what brought this on now!
Well its just one of those days when I'd like to spell out...

You're a close friend and well I'd hope you'd be
staying in touch...even though we're separated by seas.
Soon you'll be off on your way... discovering the world
Learning and Living a life and then serenading your girl!

All I say now is but a reflection of you
The fun and energy that comes bursting through
Amazing how energetic and lazy you are
A minute on the bed and swiftly to the car!

One cannot decide time and again
Are you simply crazy or just completely insane
The weird questions and well weirder answers to them
Make me wonder everytime " Only god can save him"

But I guess its just the way it must be
Sanity and genius never hand in hand could be
The breadth of knowledge that you can span out
Something new to learn everyday no doubt

A million things to list down and a zillion more to say
To do justice I'll need a few more hands to spare
Pointless it seems now all that I've put to pen
A man of few words you are and more of the unspoken!!

Fleeting by...

There she sits by the brook

Water flowing o’er her feet on the rocks

The sounds of the forest calming her soul

With no one to break the beat of her heart

A flutter here and whistling wind

The trees glistening from end to end

With her thoughts that swiftly move

From near and dear to soothing tunes

No one to please but herself

A thing not done for years till then

A smile she has in a fleeting thought

A hold on life finally she’s got

There in loneliness of body and mind

She heals her heart, she quiets her mind

She needs this long lasting solace

To swift the gait and hasten the pace

To let no one ever control

What wasn't theirs or will never be so

A feeling of freedom runs through her veins

She finally has controlled the reigns

All that’s done and maybe barely said

Let it go …rest it to bed

What remains is hope and nothing less

Leave it for those that passed the test

For you and only you will know

Which one to take…and which one to let go

In your heart and mind it’ll stay

For everything happens for a reason each day!

The Wait...

Long winding queues I've stood

To make it to the elite few

The prize I vie is more than good

To let it go for something new

Today I wait and hold my breadth

Hope and pray till it gets

In my hand and heart engraved

The day I rose against all bets

Where do I go now for these few days?

How long will this last, this endless haze

Come now; oh let me redeem my win

Let it be mine and let it be seen

Words today come too few

Emotions gushing clouding the view

The good, the bad and ugly I take

My share of woes, my share of fate!

There ahead o’er yonder bridge

A thin streak of light and a glimpse of bliss

Making my journey of these long wended days

Sum up to a life as wonderful as this!

Daddy's Girl

The past few months have been epic in so many ways that wording them seems difficult now. It seems as though someone suddenly hit the fast forward button without warning. I believe I am pro-change but sometimes even I hope against hope for some events to skip the timeline completely. Believing in that old cliché – Time heals all wounds, I embrace the road ahead. These months have seen a plethora of emotions not just gushing out of me but everyone I’ve met. Some were exhilarating and some downright depressing. Through these were important lessons learned – about family, society and human existence in a broader sense. 

Life and Death both seem to get you closer to the people closest to your heart. On both occasions, society has seemed to create a process that allows you to methodically rejoice or mourn so as to embrace the path ahead. Let me tell you I am not a believer of most societal rituals or processes and least of all of the ones that involve heartless and illogical methodologies.  When anyone has to bear the heavier of the two events in their life these societal pressures get increasingly unbearable and sometimes extremely devoid of any emotional sensitivity which is vital according to my opinion. This brings me to why I’m being extremely cautious in the writing on this blog. I do not intend to hurt anyone’s sentiments with my opinion here as family that is mostly bound by blood tend to take offense at the slightest of misinterpretation. Family, I believe comprises of those who connect with you on a level much deeper than blood. I parted with my father a few months ago. He decided to move on with his quest for soul refinement, I’d like to believe. Mostly I feel he was just tired with his body and he needed to go see the world from a different view. His departure created a void in many hearts including mine. I was his favourite. There’s nothing wrong in saying that because I know it’s true. He had the most joyful disposition that I’ve ever seen and he managed to bring a smile to anyone’s face. Not many people have that gift you see. He loved with all his heart and was always content. He along with, his source of joy and strength, his wife, made me who I am today. He taught me to see the good things in people and most of all how to forgive – others as well as ourselves.  I am amazed at the fact that he managed maintaining such high standards for himself and his family in a world that’s run by the selfish soul. I have no doubt that he’s moved to a place where he will find only happiness and tranquillity from a world that tormented and tore him (literally) apart.

He has always been and for ever more shall remain my idol – flaws and all.

I am proud to say I am my daddy’s girl and am every bit (good and bad) ever so like him. 

He is the best a girl would hope for and I can only hope that he feels the same about me.

Juggling

My life is a roller coaster ride operating in a city in India for sure. The highs, lows and the in between power cuts leading to standstills that are ever so uninteresting makes me want the high intensity drama This I guess is the fuelling thought to most of the events that occur in my life. I deeply crave for upheaval and unnerving events to make my otherwise chartered existence interesting – this is something I’ve begun to believe in considering the rate at which incidents pop up just as I begin to settle into a peaceful state. Not a moment’s rest and in those that I get I seem to stay in state of complete awareness expecting something or someone to throw a punch. I must say at times it’s even something I look forward to when things become quiet and I start rusting from no firefighting.

Everyone is a juggler in their own respect; the balls being different essentially. We all get good at juggling sooner or later. Like all in life this also improves with practice so I figure! What makes it fun is the drama of it all, from audiences to inner strength all form a part and parcel to this one-man-circus we are. The act of juggling in itself is not much of skill to portray as much as the fact to make it look sensational! That’s the art in reality – Juggling the actual object/event/person within an ever-changing environment and an easily bored audience that’s mostly rooting for you to fail! You might disagree about the intentions of the audiences but its not the one’s that encourage that are part of the audience as they probably are part of what objects you’re juggling – it’s the one’s that root for you to fail that are not the balls in the air. They have no expectations linked to your success and that what makes them the audience! They are the one’s that will not be too bothered if you fail and write you off but if you succeed will count on the flair in execution to tell you off to the world! These critics are your audience!

So here I am, entertaining as hell, juggling all my (for lack of a better word) “balls” in the air and hoping you enjoy the show. If you aren’t with me you’re my audience and I guarantee the flair and fireworks so pay attention, I am your Impossible! 

Do the Gods demand blood???

Hope and Faith drive people..... and at times to the point of insanity and thoughtlessness. Such are the selfish ways of humans. I say humans because everywhere at some point  people due to selfishness driven by faith, hope, religion or impatience too lose the one quality that makes them human.Such was the feeling that rendered me speechless and disgusted on a pilgrimage to the most sort after god in the south that seems to grant  people their dearest wishes for a selfless donation by them to his "hundi". I'm not an atheist and i'm sorry if what i'm about to say rages anyone that reads it due to their immense faith in this particular god. But its not just HIM but most of the deity abodes in the country that seem to have a fanatic effect on their worshipers. Most people have lost faith in themselves and only tend to believe that a higher power will grant them "moksha" or eternal salvation whilst they go about committing crimes against every fellow being on the planet.
I know its pointless to believe that such people actually would ever understand these nuances so blinded by the aura of the gods failing to understand that a prayer only wont get your deepest desires fulfilled.
Anyways let me fill you in on what a pilgrimage to any deity in the country ( popular ones) feels like.
You start your journey with immense hope and pray that you get to have atleast a glimpse of the idol as you know the road to get there is sometimes tough and most often filled with human obstacles more than physical ones. A glimpse is all one can hope for with a slice of luck. Chants and one liners are sung all the way till the main temple. All is rosy and sometimes fun filled. You get to meet various sorts of people who seem extremely ritualistic and with absolutely no value for their own time or energy. It's as they say all in the name of god.
Funny how one believes to reach a place of worship one must go through hardships but in the journey of life one should not bear the same view. God will solve your problems! Funny how when all else fails and especially courage to try and try and keep standing up for the beliefs you've based your life on and on which society somewhat lives is shattered one looks to a higher being to get them through to the difficulty but not by asking for courage or strength but for the end product in general. I think most of these blind devotees need a manual on what a prayer should consist of. I remember once as a child being told to pray for things that i longed for and be a good person so that god thought i'd be worthy and fulfill my wishes. A small child since then is made to believe that if all else fails ( mental block that is) GOD will grant you your wishes.
Most people that come to these place and i mean majority are there hoping that this is a short cut to success. God will see them through. And then a few do get their prayers answered and the whole popularity of that place of worship is heightened making that deity the current #1. Wow a God that gives you what you ask for and for a small price of dakshina or offerings. This particular god i was visiting - btw frankly coz my mum was so so excited to go there as she had made a promise to visit him years ago and was trying to just keep her promise- is sorta like the Michael Jackson of gods u see. He seems to have tons and tons of believers lined up for days and weeks together just to get a glimpse of him and offer a prayer. He is also believed to be a dream catcher and frankly that's his MO. I personally don't believe in prayer for materialistic gains at all cause it doesn't really appeal to my logical brain but then again there is no logic in religion anyways. So we reach the God's palace and trust me it is a palace with security stations, queues for the affluent, the impatient and even the completely blinded by faith devotees. Flanked by a row of residences for in-house ministers of the gods and their families and small business that thrive on the "blinded by religion" folks that visit this place in the thousands on a daily basis. Strategically located on a hill/mountain with picturesque views that most people often miss out on due to heavy human traffic in the temple itself it is so cut off from the rest of the civilization that one would think that all those who do live there have to do what they are doing just to survive.The queues of people that have bought various tickets for admittance are all battling it out with their loved ones just to get ahead in line. Its initially hilarious and somewhat scary a scene when you know soon you'd be amongst those people gasping for air and water in line trying to fight the hands and legs and bodies of people being pushed like grains of sand that slide down an hour glass. Once you reach the main house or room where the god is kept most often you are just fighting people and also confused trying to find where the idol is located. It almost feels like you're a contestant in Richard O'Brian's - crystal maze! I guess in my case luck and a healthy gene pool which accounted for a decent height gave me a clear edge over the average Indian to spot my god who lay calmly placed 3 doors internally in a chamber with absolutely dim lighting making it even more difficult to spot in complete air conditioning adorned in gold and precious stones blessing the thousands that fleetingly passed by his chambers with a thousand words mumbling in their heads hoping for him to listen and act on. On exiting the chambers of the god there is this sudden peace and quiet like the feeling one would get after a war is over and the survivors come out to see the remains of the day only to find a sense of peace that they survived the entire ordeal. A few bruises and swollen nerves and maybe cuts if you're that unlucky but overall all in one piece you're out. I am amazed to see that people actually visit as often as once a year and still manage to keep the faith.
After all that one goes through just driven by hope one would think if only people had hope and faith in themselves would all the idol worship and half the problems of the world cease to exist!!!
Everyone needs to realize hurting your neighbor on the road to even a heaven is not really going to see you through the gates. It is after all an idol kept there in hope to unite people in belief of a higher power which only actually resides in the human being itself. This thought once made universally accepted only can all the killing / hurting in the name of god stop. This particular incident did not see bloodshed but imagine this was just when all believers of the same god were moving in the same direction towards him caused pain to one another then why wouldn't wars based on religion bias not cause bloodshed. Its not the gods but the humans that worship that make these rules. No god expects money to grant what you truly deserve - you give the money and hope to bribe him to make you get it because somewhere deep inside you know you don't deserve all you ask for. Greed drives all into believers of GOD!